If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize