It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
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Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
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I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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