why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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