Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
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