So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
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I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
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Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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