Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
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I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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