Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
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Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
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As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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