Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize