Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
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that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
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Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Im part way to drunk.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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