Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
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It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
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Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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