i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
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It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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