Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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