the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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