i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize