I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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