I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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