i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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