you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We need to get me chipped asap
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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