so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
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i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize