I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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