I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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