who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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