I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize