how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
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This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
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The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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