I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize