Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
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And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
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DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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