M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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