shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
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I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
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Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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