You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
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He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
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We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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