Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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