"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Randomize