I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
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When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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