i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
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