dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
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He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
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After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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