i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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