I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
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I swear to god he's a one man village people.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
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you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
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