Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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