Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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