I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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