He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
sarcasm needs its own font
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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