i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
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I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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