gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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