I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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