Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You took a bar mat shot.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize