Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
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I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
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He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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