You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize