it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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