i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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