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Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
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