can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize